On Love and Forgiveness (Under the Fig Tree Part 57)

One big happening that gripped not just America but the whole world was the assassination of Charlie Kirk, a young conservative who reached and touched many young people. At a massive memorial service honoring his legacy, 90,000 people filled up the stadium and overflow venues, and millions all over the world tuned in. President Trump and his top officials were there. It turned out to be like a giant prayer meeting, with Jesus honored and glorified.      His wife Erika forgave his assassin, which was received by a long standing ovation. By contrast, Trump in his speech, perhaps tongue-in-cheek, said he hated his enemies and could not forgive them. While the crowd knew Erika was right, others perhaps felt more comfortable with Trump’s position.     And so too with many Christians today. This is due to a lack of understanding of authentic Christian love and forgiveness.       But the teaching of Jesus is clear. We are to love our enemies. We are to forgive those who do us wrong. Such forgiveness is not dependent on whether the other person is sorry or repentant. On the cross Jesus forgave his persecutors. When Peter asked Jesus how many times he is to forgive someone who sins against him, Jesus said 77 times (or in another translation, 70x7 times). That is a picture of an unrepentant transgressor.

      Much of the difficulty in forgiving is a wrong understanding of love of enemy. We dislike, even disdain, our enemies. Since most understand love as an emotion (which it is), how can I feel good about them, much less love them?       Let us look at love. There are three basic types (there could be more)—eros, philia, agape.    Eros is basically about emotion. We feel good about someone or something. We can even love food, a movie, or a place. As to people, it is about liking someone, enjoying his/her company. As to the opposite sex, it is about attraction, even lust, often mistakenly described as love.     Philia is about friendship. It is growing in relationship with another person beyond the initial physical attraction. Getting to know someone results in a deeper connection.     Agape is about divine love. It is unilateral, unconditional and self-sacrificial. It is the very love of God.

      When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, it is not about feeling good about them or being attracted to them. It is about desiring what God desires for them, which is their well-being, being right with God, and ultimately their salvation. Can we deprive anyone of that? Jesus does not. Thus we pray for those who persecute us. Thus we do not seek an eye for an eye. Thus we invite an enemy to a renewal program. Thus we forgive them.     Now since we are not just talking of emotions but an act of the will, such agape love does not mean we have to feel good about our enemy or to start treating them like a dear friend. In fact, we often have no control over our emotions (like temptations, they just come, whether we like it or not). So it is OK not to open our home to someone who constantly abuses our hospitality. It is OK not to associate with someone who continues to rub us the wrong way. We can avoid them. It is OK to unfriend someone on social media who disturbs our peace.

     And how about forgiveness? When we forgive, then everything is now OK? No. Everything will be OK with us and our relationship with God, but often the situation of our enemy has not changed. He might even disdain our act of forgiveness.     So if wrong has been done, the wrong needs to be addressed. It is not just swept aside. If a crime has been committed, then action should be taken by authorities. If someone has stolen from us, we can look to restitution. If someone continues to threaten us, we can and must avoid them.      To forgive and act as if no wrong has been done is not agape love. This in fact encourages the wrongdoer to persist in his ways. It does not change him for the better. What could change him could be a prison sentence for a crime. What could make him think could be exclusion from a social circle.       To love is to forgive but to look to a positive change in the wrongdoer, aided by physical or material consequences of his wrongdoing.

      By the way, unilaterally forgiving another is good for us. It rids us of the poison of hate and resentment within us. It sets us free.

      It is interesting that in the prayer that Jesus himself taught us, forgiving those who trespass against us is the only action we do. In the Lord’s Prayer, we praise God, and we ask for our needs, including being forgiven for our own trespasses against God and man. Then Jesus stresses that if we do not forgive others, neither will the Father forgive us.

    SALVE REGINA.